Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm both gender and math confused
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
