too bad you live with your parents still
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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