You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
