I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
