Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
