oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
