I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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