I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
