the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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