Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
