I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
