she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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