you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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