let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
