We need to rekindle our bromance
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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