dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
