the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
