We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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