He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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