Jerry, you need to find god
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
