I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
