It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
