Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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