It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Even my vagina gasped.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
