Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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