he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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