Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
