Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
