Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
