so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
