I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
