every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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