why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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