Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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