I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
