420 ftw
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
