you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize