i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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