so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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