Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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