A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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