I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
bring money and cleavage
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
