Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize