That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
