Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
