Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
