Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
