I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
