is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
