i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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