How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
