yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
