from now on my penis is your penis
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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