If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
