I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
