During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
