Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I understand Curling. That high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
