i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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