I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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