my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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