And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize