I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
