Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
