I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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