Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
50% drunk capacity currently
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
