i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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