I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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