I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
