So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
