i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
