Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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