yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
