Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
