Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
