if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
